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I don’t think he ate the gas station sushi.

I cut out all caffeine from my life for an entire year. Then my now wife said “you want some of this iced coffee, I can’t finish it” - and I’m cheap enough to be like “I paid for it” and it’s been off to the races since.

And make sure to get the one with the heated seat and nightlight. Life changing stuff, my dude.

That.

She never cared when I had it on trying to get him to watch it. So I never bothered. But, she should be home making sandwiches.

After all the times I tried getting the boy into wrestling, I didn’t bother with the girl. Today she asked me to go to a wrestling event. 🥺

The first time my dentist gave me gas I was 17 and knew full well what Nitrous would do. I never told them when to stop. they used to be ear shaped, apparently Colorado has a law that says no body part shapes tho…...

Cream cheese filled, cheddar topped. 🤌 Use poppers instead of chips for nachos. Burn it all down.

Fastest color - Tornado Red.

Who tf gets novacaine for a cleaning? Your shit gotta be pretty banged up for that

It’s on 24-7. We’re constantly sucked in.

Can’t stop, won’t stop. Baywatch is still lyfe

Here’s your sponsorship

FTFY

“Here comes the pizza”

Eat it first, don’t sully it with toe jam.

Made the mistake of telling them to make my Vindaloo hot. His eyes bugged out of his head “hot?” - hot. JFC - pretty sure I met Jesus at that table that night. Leftovers cranked it up to 17.

Remodeling, we can make it a date.