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Attending funeral

dubessa

Go Kart Champion
I might sound like a heartless bastard but I don't see a point in collective grieving. His mom and dad are probably "dead on the inside" right now and seeing anyone, no matter how close will not bring him back. It's like, yes, I am sorry for your loss, I can't believe such a tragedy happened, etc. such a robotic thing to say...It won't do a thing, because they lost a son...closest thing to the meaning of life that we will probably ever get...
Anyways, I will donate some money for the funeral, but I'm leaning towards not going. I will probably wait a little and then write a letter on a piece of paper about something worthy of saying...Thanks everyone

You may think it's pointless, and yes the parents are sad, but don't you think they're prefer seeing the amount of people that care compared to an empty funeral? IMHO, sending them a letter a bit later is not a good idea. They will read it and only be reminded. The funeral is everyone else's chance to say what they need to say, and after the funeral is when the family begins their own personal greiving and moves on. Finding a reminder in the mail won't make that any easier for them.
 

Rockchops

Go Kart Champion
My dad's funeral was this summer. Hardest funeral I ever had to go too.

He passed away from cancer so there was no "wake" as he did not want others to remember him as ill. And since he was not religious, he had a very relaxed funeral ceremony that was actually called a "celebration of life ceremony"

The amount of people that showed up to give their support made me feel happy to know that my dad touched so many people's lives. It's kind of overwhelming since I did not know most of the people, but appreciated their kind words nontheless. It was nice to meet people that my dad knew as well.

Funerals are mainly for closure. It's an integral step in accepting the fact that someone has passed and is not coming back. It's a time to cry but to pay respect for their life.

In my opinion, if you were really a good friend of his, or even a friend at all, I would say go. Maybe don't stay for the whole thing, and maybe don't go to the burial if there is one afterwards, but atleast show up and give your respects. Your friend would really like that, and his family will appreciate it as well. Since he was in a bad accident you probably won't physically see him but seeing the coffin is usually enough closure to accept their loss and move on..

what's the worst that could happen if you go? what's worse is that you may regret not going and there's nothing you can do about that after the funeral.
Sorry to hear, that's tough :(

And all the best to OP too, losing people is never easy, ever.
 

Cackalacka

Ready to race!
I might sound like a heartless bastard but I don't see a point in collective grieving. His mom and dad are probably "dead on the inside" right now and seeing anyone, no matter how close will not bring him back. It's like, yes, I am sorry for your loss, I can't believe such a tragedy happened, etc. such a robotic thing to say...It won't do a thing, because they lost a son...closest thing to the meaning of life that we will probably ever get...
Anyways, I will donate some money for the funeral, but I'm leaning towards not going. I will probably wait a little and then write a letter on a piece of paper about something worthy of saying...Thanks everyone

Funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. That includes his folks and you.

You're right the parents are in an incredibly dark place, and likely will remain their for a very very long time, but you'd be surprised how far condolences can go for people that are in that shitty of a place.

You may not want to say goodbye, even to an acquaintance, but as difficult as it may be to roll up and look people in an eye, its much better than writing a letter.

Good luck
 

kashak

Ready to race!
Well I grew some balls and visited his parents today after school. I just went. His mother was in a pretty bad state and his dad was lost(mother told he thinks he is still alive). She asked me to come and tell everyone who knew him to do so too. So yes, I'm going. Owe him that much
 
Well I grew some balls and visited his parents today after school. I just went. His mother was in a pretty bad state and his dad was lost(mother told he thinks he is still alive). She asked me to come and tell everyone who knew him to do so too. So yes, I'm going. Owe him that much

Much love and support boss.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Soulmaker1

Ready to race!
Glad you are going. I lost my childhood best friend after high school. I hadn't seen him in 6 months, and found out after his funeral had passed that he died. I really wish I could have gone. Fast forward about 20 years later and I loose a college buddy to suicide that was like brother to me. I never liked funerals and this was going to be my first and i was scared, but i was able to support the family and even spoke at his funeral. A friend is a friend in life or death.
 

Storch

Go Kart Champion
sorry for your loss man. as someone who has quite a few friends including a future brother in law who ride bikes, i know how you feel about being the one who tries to talk sense into them
 

dubessa

Go Kart Champion
Well I grew some balls and visited his parents today after school. I just went. His mother was in a pretty bad state and his dad was lost(mother told he thinks he is still alive). She asked me to come and tell everyone who knew him to do so too. So yes, I'm going. Owe him that much

That's really awesome of you to do. I'm glad you're going. Stay strong!
And again, sorry for your loss.
 

MastaChunco

Passed Driver's Ed
Well I grew some balls and visited his parents today after school.

Nice job man. Tough stuff but it was the right thing to do and now you know. Sorry for the loss of a friend but supporting the family who is taking the loss the hardest is the name of the game. You give them a chance to remember in a good light the person they lost and they get to see how many people cared. Always a good thing imo.
 

wtbcody

Ready to race!
Glad you went, it truly makes a world of difference for the parents.

Just this year I went through this twice. The girl I was dating at the time lost a friend to suicide. Never met him or heard of him until the news broke. I manned up and took her. The entire time I was in hysterics. Then months later, we lost a common friend to a horrific train accident. Same as before, I was in hysterics the entire time. Watching parents cry for the loss of their child is the most heart wrenching and disturbing thing in this world. But you know what? I'm glad I went. The parents in both situations praised us for being there and caring enough to show our support.

But it has left a horrid taste in my mouth and made me see things a little differently. Its truly a "different" experience to put yourself through.

Congrats on going man. You just made it easier for them to live with themselves by showing support.
 

kashak

Ready to race!
Went today...was quiet an "experience". It was an open casket ceremony and I was first to arrive. Immediatly felt uneasy in the stomach area after paying my respects(huge hematoma). It became easier after an hour or so, but his mother was in terrible state, the reason I was afraid of in the first place, I guess. Every time I looked at him I was looking for a sign that he was only sleeping(weird, I wasn't the only one). Afterwards we chatted with few friends for a bit about it and remembered a few good stories. Felt good, kinda. I do hope his parents get better, never seen such bursts of despair.
Thanks everyone
 

kashak

Ready to race!
http://www.cp24.com/news/police-charge-man-in-crash-that-killed-motorcyclist-1.953977

That your buddy? No one to blame but the drunk mother fucker driving the pickup...could happen to anyone on a bike or in a car...

http://www.cp24.com/news/motorcyclist-24-dies-in-crash-with-pickup-truck-1.951244

It's this one. From what I heard, the f150 driver didn't stop at the stop sign. And my buddy was late for work that morning. So I wouldn't put a complete blame on anyone in particular.
 
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