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Attending funeral

kashak

Ready to race!
This might seem like an odd question and a wrong place to ask, but was anyone ever afraid to go to a funeral? A buddy of mine passed away on 11-th(crashed into f-150 on his bike) and I'm hesitating to go. We weren't that close in recent years but I'm still in shock because I spoke to him on the 9-th. Any suggestions?
 

lilfleck

Go Kart Champion
I've never been to one myself either... but I understand the feeling of being afraid to go. You should go to the wake (if there is one) at least... support the family members. They will appreciate all the support.
 

TRUboost

Go Kart Champion
You will feel much better if you go. I was in a similar situation years back and I think I would have regretted not going, if nothing else its closure. Sorry to hear about your buddy.

slackin via taptalk
 

grambles423

Automotive Engineer
I've been to about 5 and every time I go, I'm hesitant but I'm always glad I went. Except one:

My wife's cousin had CP and was only 8 years old. Unfortunately, he did not make it through his surgery (Took place on my wife's birthday, nonetheless). I'd only met the kid once or twice, but I always remember the HUGE smile he had whenever I saw him. Initially, I did not know what to expect about going to a funeral of an 8 year old boy I hardly knew. I cried the entire time I was there and it left such a huge mark on me that I still tear up to this day thinking about him. That was definitely one funeral I WISH I never went to. I mean, you should never see parents have to watch their own son's funeral. But I'm still glad I went.

I think you should go. It means a lot to the family and loved ones. I'm sure he would go to yours.
 

FNR32

Ready to race!
I'm never heasitant, but im not one of those people who get really emotional about death. It is one of the only things each of is is guaranteed in this life and I accept it as such. I attend funerals to pay my respects and try to offer support to those who may be taking it harder than others. I think it is always best to go if you can vs. not going.
 

Lou Maiuri

Banned
I would only go if it was a close friend, family memeber. I feel no reason to be around death/ those who are serioulsy grieving unless I am expected to be there or had a true connection and felt as if I owed it to the individual to pay my respects. Otherwise, I feel removed from the pain of of others who were close with the the deceased. Ultimately it is up to you, but somber situations aren't my scene and I try to be present at as few as possible.
 

kashak

Ready to race!
Thing is, there will be couple of guys who are the reason where he is at right now. I know, a bold statement to make...let's just leave it at that. Everyone is responsible for themselves and it's true. I would rather visit his parents separately but that's even worse...can't imagine the thought of speaking to them. On the 9th I spoke to him and told him that bikes were dangerous and that he should ditch it. Now it feels like I could've changed it all, but then again, I couldn't. Who knew
 

danielj1

Go Kart Champion
Its a good show of support for the family. I've been to too many and it is never easy but had I not gone I would have regretted it. In these situations, there are no do overs.
 
I would go even if I didn't want to simply to support the family during this difficult time.

As a fellow former rider who's been down and was on the brink of death, I know this can't be easy. My family explained in detail the agony they went through in the 6 days I was kept unconscious. Never easy to watch someone so young die in such a tragic way.

My deepest condolences to the friends and family.
 

Rockchops

Go Kart Champion
Just go to the wake, that's what its for
 

NYCSuits

Go Kart Champion
On the 9th I spoke to him and told him that bikes were dangerous and that he should ditch it. Now it feels like I could've changed it all, but then again, I couldn't. Who knew

Yea never let that thought pop into your head...everything happens for a reason This should be proof to yourself that you think logically and care for others because you actually talked to him about it.
 
P

plac

Guest
My best friend didnt go to his dads funeral 2-3 years ago. but myself and all his best friends were there. i bet he will regret that for the rest of his life.
 

kashak

Ready to race!
I would go even if I didn't want to simply to support the family during this difficult time.

As a fellow former rider who's been down and was on the brink of death, I know this can't be easy. My family explained in detail the agony they went through in the 6 days I was kept unconscious. Never easy to watch someone so young die in such a tragic way.

My deepest condolences to the friends and family.

I might sound like a heartless bastard but I don't see a point in collective grieving. His mom and dad are probably "dead on the inside" right now and seeing anyone, no matter how close will not bring him back. It's like, yes, I am sorry for your loss, I can't believe such a tragedy happened, etc. such a robotic thing to say...It won't do a thing, because they lost a son...closest thing to the meaning of life that we will probably ever get...
Anyways, I will donate some money for the funeral, but I'm leaning towards not going. I will probably wait a little and then write a letter on a piece of paper about something worthy of saying...Thanks everyone
 

D Griff

Go Kart Champion
I would go. I know it's uncomfortable... but you have to remember, everyone is uncomfortable. It doesn't matter what you say/if it's awkward. What matters is that by coming, it shows you care and that will mean a lot to his family, even if you say nothing.

This is a very personal choice though, and I'm sure you'll decide what's right for you. Sorry for your loss of a friend.
 

dubessa

Go Kart Champion
My dad's funeral was this summer. Hardest funeral I ever had to go too.

He passed away from cancer so there was no "wake" as he did not want others to remember him as ill. And since he was not religious, he had a very relaxed funeral ceremony that was actually called a "celebration of life ceremony"

The amount of people that showed up to give their support made me feel happy to know that my dad touched so many people's lives. It's kind of overwhelming since I did not know most of the people, but appreciated their kind words nontheless. It was nice to meet people that my dad knew as well.

Funerals are mainly for closure. It's an integral step in accepting the fact that someone has passed and is not coming back. It's a time to cry but to pay respect for their life.

In my opinion, if you were really a good friend of his, or even a friend at all, I would say go. Maybe don't stay for the whole thing, and maybe don't go to the burial if there is one afterwards, but atleast show up and give your respects. Your friend would really like that, and his family will appreciate it as well. Since he was in a bad accident you probably won't physically see him but seeing the coffin is usually enough closure to accept their loss and move on..

what's the worst that could happen if you go? what's worse is that you may regret not going and there's nothing you can do about that after the funeral.
 
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