all of the things you keep bringing up goes back to knowing your environment, your weapon, and your capabilities.
I dont think we'll be able to come to o an understanding on this over typed conversation. there are also large philisophical view point differences it would seem. in the example you have specified of your own home, the idea of hiding in a room while an intruder goes through the house where a family could be is something that would never in a million years cross my mind. im going out to meet the threat head on. if during the course of that engagement im required to fire through an intermediate barrier im going to do so.
but to each their own, and again you do what you think you are capable of given the criteria I keep referencing. you can always hide in your closet. as long as you keep your crying as quiet as you can maybe your wife's motherly instinct to protect her child (ren) will kick in and she will go engage the threat for you. assuming you called 911 immediately the police should be along I in 5-10 minutes.
I used competition to train and get better. ive watched enough people bleed out to know I have no desire to be on the losing side.